check your IQ at the door, please

As some of you know, i had a nice long tirade about the behavior of certain guys in the locker room at the gym i go to. Guess what? I’ve got more tiradesauce to pour upon you.

Prepare to be anointed.

Let’s start with last night. There’s this rule that if you’re going to sit in the jacuzzi, you have to take a shower first. Okay, i’m not crazy about it, but it probably has a good reason, like excessive lint and hair not falling off of a body and getting into their filters. As a side, the thought of that many people shedding lint and/or hair kind of grosses me out. Wait, it DOES gross me out. So the shower they expect you to use is in a tiny alcove by the pool, steambath, sauna and jacuzzi. In other words, it’s for everyone and everyone can, should they choose to, watch you using it. So imagine my dismay when i behold some scrawny
guy using it last night and realize he’s not wearing a swim suit- he’s wearing his whitey tighties. For those of you who need a visual queue, guess what thin white cotton does once it gets wet? Yes, much to my testosterone filled delight, i was able to behold his goddamned ass. I didn’t wait to see the engine driving the caboose but figured it was going to be equally as transparent.

Once i’m done soaking in the jacuzzi for a while and sitting in the sauna (which was cranked up higher than i’ve ever felt it before), i go into the locker room to change. And of course, since quys apparently check their iq’s at the door along with common sense and mutual respect, i was subjected to some loudmouthed obnoxious rednecks bleeting. See, when you leave the key you need to open your lock INSIDE OF THE LOCKER, there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. Most people gifted with the basic common sense given to a bucket of oatmeal would realize, “Well, crap. Guess I’m going to have to cut the lock.”

But not this princess.

Let me also add to this that i’m not there to make eye contact. I’m not in the locker room to make conversation either. It’s a little too gay for me. And i’m not talking about guys having sex gay either. I’m talking about having your family watch as Michael Jackson gives you a tongue bath while having tapioca pudding smeared on you with a wooden spoon by a guy
in drag kind of gay.

And that’s pretty gay.

So this guy realizes his key is inside of one of his two lockers [don’t know why he needed two, but there you are]. And he has his moment of realization. Goody. Get it out of your system, buttercup. But that wasn’t enough. Instead of asking someone to get someone at the desk to bring the bolt cutters in, he proceedes to cock walk the length of the lockerroom bellowing, “Summabitch!” over and over and fucking-will-you-stop-it OVER.

Yes, here i am, hot, sweaty, tired and trying to get my thoughts together to decide what to do with my night and i have to listen to this guy bleating “SUMMABITCH” over and over. To add some more special gay gaysauce to it, when he walks by me, he keeps trying to make eye contact [i can see this with my peripheral vision]. Maybe to him it’s his way of bonding. For me, not making eye contact was my special little non gay way of saying “I DO NOT WANT TO FUCKING MALE BOND WITH YOU, SPORT.”

It was clearly a productive day for Fucktards.

I was going to write a bit about my ongoing treatment of my sleep apnea and the benefits of finally getting some decent sleep, but my time is somewhat limited. I’ll come back to this another time.

A friend of mine hosted a site for written erotica for a while. Unfortunately it was trolled so heavily by wankers looking for cheap jollies that the cost of bandwidth overcame his ability to manage it. Well, during this time i was somewhat productive in writing stories for it. I’d written a few stories up until then that were met with fairly high praise. To rewind a bit, my early stories were often very touchy-feely. I wanted to appeal to a wide audience and that meant appealing to women. I avoided words like “pussy” and “cunt”. Then i started reading erotica by women. My gawd… “pussy”, “cunt”, “asshole” and “fuck” littered these stories like New York City during a ticker tape parade. Add to this that a woman i used to date and am still very fond of, calls her naughty bits her “cunt”. The idea being that when she uses the word, it’s a source of power and pride for her. She effectively disarms anyone who would use “cunt” as an insult and makes it an issue of beauty and authority. And as a previous roommate of mine [a woman] used to say, “Never trust a woman who can’t say “pussy”.

So my stories shifted. I quit being touchy feely and just wrote as the animal in my head demanded of me. Cock, pussy, cunt, fuck, lick, suck, spank, etc… these words were my arsenal as much as any womans erotica. But my stories weren’t about outright fucking- they were stories about affection, seduction, lust, love and a few kinks tossed in to make em interesting.

The afore mentioned friend that i have neglected has read those stories [no, i will not share with you] and liked them. She liked some more than others, which is fine because not only am i not trying to be all things to all people when i write, but lets face it- each of us have different turn ons.

So fast forward. I’ve been talking to a woman i’ve “met” via a singles site that we’re both on. I decided to send her this story that my neglected friend “D” liked. The response i got back was tepid at best. “Women don’t write or like erotica like this.” was basically what i was told. It was, as she put it, a typical guys fantasy story.

And i have to say, i was floored. Like i said, i write stories about situations, seduction and genuine affection. And yes, i’m graphic about sex but try to keep things appropriate. And in my experience i understand guys tend to be more visual than women but believe me, there are lots of women who love watching sex- whether it be when they’re having sex and watching the licky parts in the inserty parts or the pokey bits in the inserty bits or any other area of interest or watching someone else have sex [such as a video]. Lots of women like watching sex and i think you can safely describe that as an explicit behavior.

But everyone is different.

As an aside, i haven’t really written many stories since. One in fact and i still haven’t gotten around to doing the second part of it. My writing style has evolved a LOT since then anyway. I recently wrote a piece of Warhammer 40k fan fiction, which i’ll eventually publish here and elsewhere.

Okay, i need to draw this to a close. I am listening to a CD that i haven’t listened to in years and years and years. I found this little gem at the now defunct ABCD’s on Airport Blvd in Austin. I was living with my ex then and i guess i’ve avoided this cd for a long time because of the memories associated with it, which are sweet in recollection, bitter in realization. Alas, i finally pulled it out and i’d forgotten how warm and beautiful Artificial Intelligence II is. If you like IDM at all or just some good downtempo and ambient grooves now and then, you owe it to yourself to snag a copy of AI II.

I was going to write a bit about my ongoing treatment of my sleep apnea and the benefits of finally getting some decent sleep, but my time is somewhat limited. I’ll come back to this another time.

A friend of mine hosted a site for written erotica for a while. Unfortunately it was trolled so heavily by wankers looking for cheap jollies that the cost of bandwidth overcame his ability to manage it. Well, during this time i was somewhat productive in writing stories for it. I’d written a few stories up until then that were met with fairly high praise. To rewind a bit, my early stories were often very touchy-feely. I wanted to appeal to a wide audience and that meant appealing to women. I avoided words like “pussy” and “cunt”. Then i started reading erotica by women. My gawd… “pussy”, “cunt”, “asshole” and “fuck” littered these stories like New York City during a ticker tape parade. Add to this that a woman i used to date and am still very fond of, calls her naughty bits her “cunt”. The idea being that when she uses the word, it’s a source of power and pride for her. She effectively disarms anyone who would use “cunt” as an insult and makes it an issue of beauty and authority. And as a previous roommate of mine [a woman] used to say, “Never trust a woman who can’t say “pussy”.

So my stories shifted. I quit being touchy feely and just wrote as the animal in my head demanded of me. Cock, pussy, cunt, fuck, lick, suck, spank, etc… these words were my arsenal as much as any womans erotica. But my stories weren’t about outright fucking- they were stories about affection, seduction, lust, love and a few kinks tossed in to make em interesting.

The afore mentioned friend that i have neglected has read those stories [no, i will not share with you] and liked them. She liked some more than others, which is fine because not only am i not trying to be all things to all people when i write, but lets face it- each of us have different turn ons.

So fast forward. I’ve been talking to a woman i’ve “met” via a singles site that we’re both on. I decided to send her this story that my neglected friend “D” liked. The response i got back was tepid at best. “Women don’t write or like erotica like this.” was basically what i was told. It was, as she put it, a typical guys fantasy story.

And i have to say, i was floored. Like i said, i write stories about situations, seduction and genuine affection. And yes, i’m graphic about sex but try to keep things appropriate. And in my experience i understand guys tend to be more visual than women but believe me, there are lots of women who love watching sex- whether it be when they’re having sex and watching the licky parts in the inserty parts or the pokey bits in the inserty bits or any other area of interest or watching someone else have sex [such as a video]. Lots of women like watching sex and i think you can safely describe that as an explicit behavior.

But everyone is different.

As a side, i haven’t really written many stories since. One in fact and i still haven’t gotten around to doing the second part of it. My writing style has evolved a LOT since then anyway. I recently wrote a piece of Warhammer 40k fan fiction, which i’ll eventually publish here and elsewhere.

Okay, i need to draw this to a close. I am listening to a CD that i haven’t listened to in years and years and years. I found this little gem at the now defunct ABCD’s on Airport Blvd in Austin. I was living with my ex then and i guess i’ve avoided this cd for a long time because of the memories associated with it, which are sweet in recollection, bitter in realization. Alas, i finally pulled it out and i’d forgotten how warm and beautiful Artificial Intelligence II is. If you like IDM at all or just some good downtempo and ambient grooves now and then, you owe it to yourself to snag a copy of AI II.

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