• message

    PREFACE: This note is no longer offered to the person it was intended for. The string of notes she sent me in July revealed the content of her character and, ironically, was the last push i needed to realize that i’d rather be a man that dated and loved women than to have her in… Read more

  • I do not drink much. In the last four or so months, i’ve had two pints of beer and i tried to have a shot of rye just to see what rye was like. I got half way through it. I think it’s pretty safe to say that i am not a whiskey drinker. Right… Read more

  • I will work on identifying and discussing instances where I feel a boundary or expectation has been broken in a timely and constructive manner. I will not use coping strategies that erode my self respect nor the respect or trust I have for my girlfriend(s) I will work on not letting the pain and heartbreak… Read more

  • I continue to pull the emotional shrapnel out of the wounds that were given to me. It’s an ongoing process but i am amazed at the amount of healing i have done since my world came apart at the seams in late October. Well, truth be told, it came apart on the 3rd of October… Read more

  • This is a post i recently left on my TF2 clans page (even though i seldom play, let alone enjoy playing, video games these days, my TF2 clan runs a good forum). Apparently some people found my latest post amusing. Years ago i bought a copy of Risk 2210. Unfortunately i never played it and… Read more

  • click.

    I’m talking to him a couple of weeks ago. He’s one of the many people that have helped me salvage my objectivity and has helped me understand, not just the process of grieving, but he’s helped me identify some of my behaviors such as how and why i allowed my dignity to be eroded to… Read more

  • hurt

    I haven’t been home much this weekend. Errands, a lunch w/ friend, a new television machine (even though i haven’t watched television shows in years), running both Friday and Saturday and then dancing Saturday night. So i was looking forward to having a nice, simple meal. Fish, crabcake, brocolli, silence. I guess i got as… Read more

  • I have really, really missed dancing. After my world came apart at the seams in 1998, my fear of dancing vanished like the night when the sun rises. But i have other things to do first. The week before last i ran a total of 10 miles; 2.5 miles every other day. This week i… Read more

  • my foolish heart

    Everyone knows about my love for Bill Evans. A few notes from him and my heart soars or sometimes plummets. Either direction and he can still drive me to tears. Your reaction may differ but there is so much beauty, pain and splendor in the first couple of minutes of this composition than most people… Read more

  • 30 minutes later

    Just to remind myself, this is why i’m going to the gym so much these days: I began this to trade one pain for another. I was going to cause serious harm to myself if i didn’t. I DO NOT get the “right” to use, “it’s in my genetics,” as a defense. A propensity towards… Read more