more bad news

I just received some bad news.

I’m so tired of this. I am so beaten up. From months and months of emotional isolation to a profoundly difficult breakup (ironically, i’m now seeing this as a positive thing) to a coworker who, for three years, constantly asked me where i was going, where i was at any given moment (via radio) and what i was doing in her fundamentalist-authoritarian way- and second guessed and marginalized in front of students, teachers and administrators alike (and this ‘peer’ couldn’t tell the difference between java and javascript and didn’t know how to log into a bound Windows computer using domain credentials). Then a few weeks ago, having some wounds from my breakup torn open (which i’ve done pretty well with since, especially with the last things she said to me and all the things she left never said), to losing my job, being denied unemployment insurance and feeling a lot of anxiety about my medical benefits running out in a few days.

Then today, more bad news. I won’t go into it today but will eventually.

I just don’t know how much more i can take but i guess i will. I’ll figure things out one way or the other. I may earn a bloody nose or two in the process, i may lose some battles but i will never bow my head. I can work through anything if i put my mind to it. Still, it would be oh so nice if someone believed in me or at the very least, if i could just have one single win in my column for a change.