Author: shelly

Last Friday i had an interview in Seattle (yes, Friday the 13th). I think i did reasonably well but in any interview setting, there are always two factors that will work against me. The first is, it’s an interview. No matter how confident i am in myself and my abilities, there’s a part of me that’s nervous. There were a couple of answers that i gave that i wish i could have done over again.
Continue reading “a difference in philosophy”

[audio:15_year_nap_part_01.mp3]
part one

[audio:15_year_nap_part_02.mp3]
part two

[audio:15_year_nap_part_03.mp3]
part three

[audio:15_year_nap_part_04.mp3]
part four

This entry has a few goals. One is to provide a narrative about how my undiagnosed and untreated sleep apnea irrevocably and negatively affected my life. The other is to continue building samples of my voice and the third is to do a longer narration so that i can hear myself and learn from my mistakes.
Continue reading “narration : the fifteen year nap”

media: watercolor, pencil, archival pen

I’ll add more to this post later. I just wanted to post it tonight.

Hi. I’m here and there these days. Had to go to the E/R on Thanksgiving morning thanks to a kidney stone that decided that was the best time to make its presence known. Had surgery for it last Wednesday but unfortunately the doctor was unable to reach the stone. We’re trying again this coming Wednesday.

Allergies are hammering me, the heat is out in the house and I ran into some extra expenditures that I wasn’t anticipating. It’s not shaping up to be a very good Christmas. There are so many things I want to do/ get for friends and family and there just never seems to be enough time or money.

I’ll update everyone on the weirdness known as my life asap. Promise.

[audio:07_november_2011.mp3]

This was the summer of insanity and inanity. I have never been so close to someone who can only be described as an unemployed, alcoholic, grifter whose diet consisted of scams, ponzi schemes, lies, laziness, manipulation and rage. The amount of cognitive dissonance this person lives with is truly indescribable… so i’m not going to bother describing it. Not tonight anyway. Tonight, i’m just poking my head out of my burrow to let everyone know contrary to what you might have thought, i am actually about.

Sigh. I just listened to my recording. It rendered fine locally but once it was posted, the quality has degraded. I’ll look into it tomorrow to tomorrow’ish.

[audio:22_june_2011.mp3]

I’m trying something new- something that i should have done a long time ago. This entry, although well meaning, does meander a bit. So far, i’m very happy with this plugin and will post a link to its homepage later.

This entry references this post. It’s probably the most important thing i’ve written on synaesthetic.com – ever.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Title: the last time i waited for her
Media: pencil, watercolor

[audio:9_may_2011.mp3]

I don’t like to talk about subject matter in terms of interpretation. Composition, color and the role that light and shadows play is fair game but i believe there’s a huge disservice done to the arts when the artist begins deconstructing their work in literal, narrative terms.

Having said that, it’s impossible for me to escape the experiences that nibble the surface of my mind when i paint. Given that art, be it musical, performing or visual, is, at its core essence, self expression for the sake of self expression contained within time and/or space, it’s impossible to remove ones experiences and the interpretation of those experiences from a composition [Oh Lord, i hope i never have to diagram that sentence].

I had an idea of doing a monochromatic painting for a while. To produce my gray, i mixed ultramarine blue with some yellow ochre. Ultramarine blue is a very granular paint. I was surprised at how volatile it was on the paper but very pleased at the end result. About half way through, i began to become aware of the tone the composition was beginning to take-a  longing… a friend that no longer was. It wasn’t rooted in a specific memory but it was bound to a specific experience. My paintings often are, whether i want to admit it or not [and i usually don’t].

And the title came to me: the last time i waited for her

So, this time i’m actually giving an insight as to where *I* came from in creating this composition. But please, don’t let me do you a disservice; find your own place in it. If it evokes something beyond and brighter than the place it came from, so much the better. If you find yourself relating and feel a faded thought worrying the edges of your memories, then perhaps you’ll see your next cup of coffee or listen to the rain or to the sound of cars driving on water slick roads with a bit more reflection.

I have a lot on my mind these days, namely the way that silence can be the harshest word never spoken. I’ll have to keep that for another time.

If you look at the side, you’ll notice some journal archives from 2008 [jan apr]. Wow. Talk about interesting. These entries come from a time in my life prior to my sleep therapy. As i was transcribing those pages into WordPress [my publishing software for this journal], i noticed a couple of things.
Continue reading “some changes and observations”

Ideas and desires curl and nest inside of me. Some days and some better nights, i get to let them uncoil and rampage through the landscape of my life. There are so many things i want to say, want to write, want to paint, want to feel under my hands and taste in my mouth.

But tonight nothing is coming to me. I know there are these things i’ve wanted to express for a while, letters i want to write but when i try to make them coherent, they disappear. I desire curves and softness and conversation but my room is empty, my bed unmade.

And now the clock is looking at me in that way that says my day is over whether i like it or not and so i go to put myself and these ideas and desires to bed and try to write something coherent tomorrow.

As i write this, Borders [BGP, currently delisted], is closing about 33% of their stores. During the last holiday season, their sales were dismal whereas Barnes and Noble posted healthy profits. This is so depressingly wrong.

Let’s play that game that i like to play so much: compare and contrast.

I don’t make much money. I work for a high school and clear less than $2000 a month. That’s a fiscal reality that i have to plan my life around. I also like books. Lots and lots of books… and dvd’s and cd’s. Ask anyone that’s helped me move. I like books.
Continue reading “Borders rocks, Barnes and Noble is a joke and why your e-reader is teh weaksauce”