Category: Uncategorized

Two Saturdays ago, along with about two hundred other people, had a memorial for the life of Barbara Cramer. A lot of people shared their stories which is probably the biggest reason why i went. I wanted to hear the voices of others that knew and loved Barbara. I think the most remarkable thing was this thread that wove itself into everyone’s story – when you spoke to Barb, she was there. She was genuinely there with you to listen, to talk to you and to enjoy that moment.

In other words, she was sincere. She was genuine.

Continue reading “Saying goodbye to a friend | part two”

Updated 30 mar 25.

Some years ago a man that worked where I worked died of complications onset by the covid 19 virus. There were hundreds of people at his memorial and of those, a handful of us that gamed with him. I didn’t know Eddie well but i’d helped him several times (i’m a desktop support monkey in a heavy, industrial environment) and of the two LAN parties that Barbara hosted, Eddie was there both times.

Barbara and her husband, Cody, was there for Eddie’s memorial. I was a bit shocked at just how few of us from work were there because he was deeply loved by many where we worked.

Continue reading “Saying goodbye to a friend | part one”

I had a few things on my list that i was supposed to do this weekend; not least of which was to complete an entry here that i started a few days ago. Unfortunately i’m having difficulty sleeping these days and my three day weekend ended up being a three day stretch of being stuck in a fugue state.

There’s nothing newsworthy going on with me and whatever rants i may have in store are pretty tame (but hopefully amusing). More than anything, i’m making this entry to remind myself to get off my ass and start writing again. Writing is kind of like painting in that the less i do it, the less i want to do it. But writing is also like painting in that i need to do it because i need it.

To that end, i’ll make it a point to turn my focus this week toward those things that i put off this weekend – publishing videos from my converted ACTV tapes, painting and writing.

I have no doubt that i’m not going to finish this entry to the degree that i want it to be finished. I usually rehearse what i want to say for days before i put my fingers on the keyboard. I find the strands, i pull and tease them apart, then as i try to find a way to work them back into each other, i feel for a certain type of cadence; a rhythm to my thoughts and how they interconnect. Once i have that, i try to weave them back into a tapestry with some parts fitting into others with the hope that once completed, there is a cohesiveness and singularity to whatever it was that was on my mind.

This feels a bit loose and disjointed. Maybe it’ll congeal as i keep going.

I’m not sure i should be writing tonight. Technically speaking, i had enough sleep last night but i don’t think i had enough REM. So let’s see where this goes and if it holds together well enough as a rough draft, i’ll publish it but with the caveat that it’s likely to be revised a few times.

Parallel to everything that i’ve written about in the first two parts is something that has been growing in me for several years.

the disconnect.

Continue reading “the disconnect | part three”

I’ve been wanting to change the appearance of synaesthetic for some time but i never put much energy into it- so it didn’t change. Funny how those two things work together.

This template is called LowFi and i like it- but it doesn’t behave like any other template i’ve ever administered before. As such, i’m not sure if it’ll stay. For instance, i’m trying to change the image on the index page but no matter what i try, the image i’m selecting won’t stay. Worse, i prefer to use one of my own pix or maybe even one of my paintings instead- and that doesn’t appear to be an option*.

Still… i like the simplicity and elegance of this template. I’ll see if i can understand it better in the coming days.

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Oh- before i forget- for reasons that i don’t fully understand, i’ve been unable to upload images to this site. The permissions on the directory are set correctly and there’s a discrepancy between what WordPress thinks my asset library is versus what i say it is.

*i managed to change the default image- it was more manual than i expected but every template is going to require different solutions

Once upon a time i used to write, if not prolifically, then at least with some frequency. It’s hard to point to when i shifted but i think it was about a decade or ago when i went through my last breakup. My posts have become sporadic at best because my motivation to write just… changed.

Tonight is not the night that i continue this entry but i wanted to put this out there because for anyone reading, i haven’t forgotten nor will i wait until next year to continue, which has been the frequency i’ve had for the last decade.

I’m also putting this here as a challenge to myself to sit down and gather my thoughts and continue this because… well, just because.

There are strands that will be inextricably tied to one another but for me to do so will require sitting down and actually teasing those strands apart, just to find a way to braid them together again. And these evenings, i’m actually painting which requires all of my focus.

Still, this story will continue; hopefully by the end of this week at the latest.

Continue reading “the disconnect | part two”

In my mind, this will be written in three parts. The reasons behind the title may not become clear until the end.

It was about 10 months ago; maybe a year by now. Someone from my past sent me a message on FB saying hello. It was from a woman i dated in my misspent youth. To say it was unexpected is an understatement because, to be honest, i was as ass to her.

Rewind.

It’s 1990 or 91. I’m 23 years old. I am very emotionally undeveloped, inexperienced in both sex and relationships and as the saying goes, i was the embodiment of being “young, dumb and full of cum”. And it was about this time i made one of the biggest mistakes one can ever make at this age or any age for that matter- i dated someone that i worked with.

It was a wafer fab in austin and we worked the swing shift (16.00 to midnight). I fell for her, she liked me and we proceeded to spend 28 of the next 30 days with each other. Work, eat, sleep, fuck. Work, eat, sleep, fuck. Work. Eat. Sleep. Fuck. I’m not being crude or at least i’m not trying to be crude. We were young, horny and well… young and horny. 

Continue reading “the disconnect | part one”

Since the beginning of Synaesthetic, i was being hosted by Godaddy. Back then they weren’t just a new player on the stage, they were /craving/ business and had reasonable rates.

I could never complain about the reliability of Godaddy nor their support but over the years, those reasonable rates became… unreasonable. For my two very, very small domains, i was shelling out upwards of $40 USD/ month.

As such, it was time to shut down my sites- both synaesthetic.com and shellytumbleson.com until i could find another provider.

Continue reading “A new hosting company”

As a 57 year old, never married single guy, there are times that i’d prefer to not be single. I’ve grown exceptionally comfortable with being alone and it’s probably stunted my growth to a degree. Not that being involved with someone guarantees some sort of personal growth but having to build and maintain a friendship/ relationship is something that demands more of a person than being alone all of the time.

For the record, i haven’t been in a significant relationship for more than ten years now and haven’t had a date since 2017. When i say that there are times that i’d prefer to not be single, it’s not as though i’m prowling the bars or trying to have hookups. While i can’t guarantee that my next relationship (should it ever happen) will end in marriage, any sort of connection i have with a woman/ women will be based on mutual attraction and some degree of friendship.

Continue reading “zealot”